Here i am....

Here i am, gazing at the night time sky, while the country is fast asleep. Thinking,wondering. Of what tomorrow holds for me. Its been a while, since everything. been a while since i wrote down my thoughts. been a while since i sat down and enjoyed a cheesecake. been a while since i saw that smile. been a while since... _________________________________________________________________________________ Life in my new school after 8 months, Well, it has given me loads to remember. I have been involving myself in many competitions my course has to offer. From designing to business. To make a difference in our community's social background. I win some, lose some. All that matters are the experience. But, school was not all "a walk in the park" making enemies is in fact an inevitable factor in life. wherever you go, you are bound to cross paths with whom differ from your stand points. No matter consciously or sub-consciously, you WILL make foes. Though their intentions was to bring me down. They couldn't find the means to do so. Its because, i accept their criticism, and improve myself. The more they hate, the stronger i become. But, i keep my ego in check, so as to not make more enemies. __________________________________________________________________________________ I found that i could keep my temper down for a very long period of time. I came to realize this while reflecting upon myself after prayers in Masjid Al-Khair a few months back. There would be drama, everyday in school. But, i remain calm and collected. I became less talkative 4 months ago. Everyone was busy shooting down everyone. I took in comments and didn't take it personally. Infact, I learn't that, "If you have nothing good to say, don't say anything at all". I lived by that everyday and opened my mouth only when needed. sure i have aquaintances to speak to. But, they are too busy chasing worldly pleasures to mind me and my thoughts. Thing is, all my peers have their "significant other". I am not discouraged by this knowing that i, alone, roam these structure of metal and concrete. It's time consuming enough having to worry about getting projects done on time, and competitions to tend to. Sometimes, i do envy their relationships, thinking how fortunate of them to feel compassion and affection in their daily life in school. Some of the couples even motivated each other in their work. __________________________________________________________________________________ You may say i easily make friends. You may assume that i have friends. Truth is, my personality, the type of person i am, use the term "friend" loosely. Everyone whom i met and smiled to are considered as "friends" Oh, how i miss my brothers back in the day. Year 2007-2011 How i miss the two ladies that were always with me. How i miss cracking jokes with them. being with them. How i miss the times when there were no worries. Just me,her,him,them.. ___________________________________________________________________________________ I may not be a very pious man.Nor have i drifted away from the light. However, every time i pray, their faces flash in my mind. There are too many things to say and ask for, but i hope and pray for Allah, to read my heart like an open book. To Grant them patience to persevere, strength to overcome fears,determination to break barriers etc.. May HE always, watch over them. We have all gone our separate ways, but i am sure, that our paths will soon reunite someday. Dear 'Arifah 'Aqilah, Davina Liu, Chin Zhao Wei, Abdussallihan, Ghafran, Choy Shi Peng, Randolph Aragon, Rahman Shah, Aqmal Abiden, Elena Rostam, Hanna Chin and Imran, i hope you are all safe and leading your lives the way you want to. ____________________________________________________________________________________ Its good to know that i still have the skills to write a long essay for just a blog post. Old habits die hard i guess. Im done with my reflection for the day i guess, Time check : 4.14 am in the morning. Physical status : Awake but not the least bit tired. Something is wrong with my bodyclock. oh well, time to get some shut eye before the sun rises. till next time, ___________________________________________________________________________________ - Awoosh 1444

Prioritising.

(NOTE : this will be a long post. the numbers below indicate the topics i will be going through in the paragraphs)
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| 1) My BOY-ISH cravings. |
| 2) Burning will of experiencing haji. |
| 3) What my Alma-mater Holds for me. |
| 4) Things i've done for the past month. |
| 5) Subject : 'Arifah 'Aqilah. |
| 6) Impacts of gaming. |
| 7) Plans for the week. |
| 8) My wierd reflection. |
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Just finished a long and meaningful talk with mom.

we discussed on different topics while she does her work in her room
and i have to say, it was one of the best talks i've had with her in a while..

its good to let off some steam and spill thoughts to mom.. feels great!

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1) the talk started with me... Obsessed in getting an Xbox console for myself.. its a boy-ish cravings that we boys crave and such.. so, i consulted mom about it.. she says that its a waste of money and it doesnt benefit me in anyway. And that im too easily influenced of what people say or what media claims.. and that Xbox wastes time.. and that my hard-earned money could be put to better use and such..

im not influenced by anything to have it.. its just that.. i feel, all the things that i "need" i already have.. and its not wrong to get something for me.. a "WANT" for myself. thats my point of view..
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2) Then the topic of the 5 pillars of islam was linked together with the previous topic.

though we mainly focused on Haji/Umrah part. Mom told me that Haji was the last pillar of islam which is the last step of any muslim to complete before awaiting his/her time.
She explained the process of haji and umrah and what are the do's and don'ts.. prohibitions and such. this fanned the flames of determination for me to work hard and insyallah, have a chance to experience haji for myself.

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3) soon we found ourselves in another topic. Regarding my life in my upcoming school. the challenges i will face. my schedules that i will go through, the responsibilities i will be upholding in my new school.. we talked about cca and dragon boat. how my mom imagines me being darker than i am now.

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4) we then went to the topic on time management.. on how i've spent my last few weeks.. honestly speaking, since i've been "released" from work on 29th feb, it has only been a month(more or less) that i've been "free" in which, i have done whatever i've wanted to do.. from reunions, to impromptu meet-ups to last minute gatherings to watching movies and swimming and bowling and hanging out and surfing the net all day.. i've spent half my time on all those in the whole month.

the other half of the time, i've spent it with 'arifah(sending/picking her to/up school) which is voluntary by the way.. i want to be able to wake up and have something to look forward to in my day, and i guess the thing i look forward to is making sure she starts/ends her day on a good note. i really love seeing her smile every morning. seeing her little dimple forming on the side of her cheeks while she softly giggle in her heart to my jokes and friendly teasings never fail to start of my day on a great note, be it rain or shine.

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5) Speaking of 'arifah, we dwelled into the topic regarding her life. mom and i spent a good hour talking bout her ( dont worry, we didnt talk about anything bad. i assure you.) first, we talked about her studies. mom asks how is she coping with MI. i told her she's doing fine, though its a bit challenging. i told mom that i would provide support and such if 'arifah were to ask for assistance and i would always try to give her a hand. then we spoke about 'arifah's family. i talked about her brothers.. her sisters and her parents. i didnt say much as there's nothing much to be said, we talked about 'arifah's sibling's age differences and mom was abit suprised.. yeah, i know the feeling.

we then talked about 'arifah's characteristics, her behaviour. mom says that 'arifah has the same characteristics and behaviourial orders as herself. which come to think about it, it really is true in a way. lastly, mom and i talked about my whereabouts with 'arifah and how she has contributed into making me a better person. i told mom that no matter where we would go, we never fail to find a place to perform solat. be it at masjid's.. or even staircases in buildings. it then got me reflecting on how far i've come with 'arifah's help. alhamdulillah.

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6) we later got back to the topic about me getting an Xbox. on how this will affect the lil kiddos in the house. mehh.. i kinda agree on the points mom made... but still..... D: quite sad... hmmmm............

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7) lastly, we talked about what i am gonna do for this week since i've got like.. only less than a week before school starts.. i told mom that i am literally bored out of my mind and that the phrase "dying of boredom" is already giving me a whole new meaning.. i dont have any motivation to start my day well anymore, i feel lonely already swimming and working out by myself. it just creeps into me and devours me from the inside out. the feeling overwhelms me. mom told me to travel around singapore this whole week. explore parts of singapore. and try to go to every masjid located on the island and do 2 rakaats there or perform zuhur/asar/maghrib if the time is right. hmm... that doesnt sound like a bad idea. :)

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8)after the 2 hours 45min talk, i went to my room and reflected while doing ishak. for some reason, while my head was touching the floor in total submission, i felt the pain of grief and deep sorrow in my chest. then i cried while half-way praying. when i finished, the sadness disappeared. im not sure why i cried. :S

hmmm... im very very very very bad at summarising, but i'd say this is one awesome chat i've had in a long time. :)

thanks mom<3


thats all for my ridiculously long winded post. i dont wanna drag your time reading anymore so,

Awoosh out! ^_^

(P.s. This is for reflection purpose only. items posted on this blog are just the author voicing out his deep thoughts and reflecting to past/future events.)

This post is for 'arifah

HI 'arifah!



(insert a picture of a cute baby panda that failed to be uploaded here after many attempts.)


=_=..




hahahaha!!

ok.... im.......done.

awoosh out ^_^