sacrifice.

"with sacrifice, one will learn patience."


yes.


my uncle once told me : " siapa yang hidup senang di dunia yang tidak ditimpa dengan apa apa masalah, adalah orang yang tidak mudah untuk masuk syurga. ini kerana Allah swt selalu menguji kita dengan menurunkan masalah masalah tersebut supaya dia boleh tahu berapa kuatkah keinginan kita sebagai hamba hambanya untuk menyembahNYA."



today, started off as hell.


i woke up with a fever and my head my pounding like mad.

i forced myself to the shower. and off to work.(forgetting to perform sembahyang subuh)


at work, i was sooo.. tired because last night i slept late. and my boss was complaining away..
i felt miserable due to my unwell condition and i was soo caught up with my status that i forgot to perform zohor.


then, the worst struck, i thought i already had suffered enough mental and physical torture. then she msged me, forcing in negativity into my chest. now im emotionally tortured too.


but then, something struck me. i told her it was alright and gave her a reassuring tone eventhough it was a dark time.

i put down my phone and went to perform asar.


during asar, for some reason, i cried all the way.


i literally cried my heart out during asar.


after asar, i sat in the prayer room and reflected upon my day.

i asked allah for guidance. i asked for him to strengthen my patience. to help me through my dark times. to brighten my heart.


right then and there, i felt a WHOLE LOT better.

alhamdulillah. alhamdulillah. alhamdulillah.


this was an eye opener for me today.

it shows that HE is most powerful.most forgiving.

______________________________________________________________


dear 'arifah,


i hope you are reading this. i have no idea what you are feeling now. but im pretty sure its extreme sadness. i felt it too dear. it kills me inside when you said that. i was at a lost for words. but i want you to know, what ever happens. she is your number one priority. you need to listen to her. dont worry bout me lah.. leave me for last.. im un-important.. family comes first. when she says do it, you do it ok? yeah, the pain inside my heart overwhelms me.. to hear that she.... yeah.. i really thought that she would approve of it when you msged me yesterday night.. i was very sure.. but there was this feeling in my gut that tells me.. sooner or later.. something was gonna happen.


'arifah, i want you to know that, no matter what gets thrown away, i assure you. i assure you that my love for you DOES NOT.


please dont give in to grief dear. please be strong.



like i said. dont worry about the price of the item or whatever not.

i...my family.. did it for you. with full sincerity.


=)




awoosh out!


i love you dear.

cmon memory... cmon...

its just not working...

i mean..

i've been sitting here for days..

going through a profile at a time on facebook..

why?? just to remember who that person is.. how did we meet.. where we met..when we met..and why did we meet..


=_=... macam mauu mattiiiii....


ramainya kawan!!


currently.. on friend number 146..


still have.... 1000+ more profiles to look through and regain my memory..


=/

this is just.......tooo slow...



after i told qin and teha about my memory loss..

i realised i've forgotten more than i realised... =/


memories...memories...



please... come back to mee..........





=(((((

being deaf.

im starting to feel what being deaf feels like.


your surroundings begin to fade as if the world as you know it goes mute.

im having a hard time getting use to my half my audio taken away from me..


maybe its because im an audio-oriented person..

i believe my life will be in agony if i were to be permanently deaf.

how can i listen to my favourite songs??

im gonna miss hearing azans... im gonna miss listening to surah's being recited.. im gonna miss the voices i live for.. the voices i love. my family's voices.. 'arifah's voice... my friends voices..

=((

but, if i were to go permanently deaf. only then will i know. who truely loves me. they will be the ones always on my side guiding me through this tough ordeal. if allah wishes to take this sense from me. let it be. im happy to give it away. coz, i've still got others to compensate for it. if i were to be deaf, i know. i know that allah wants the best for me. he doesnt want me to listen to all the lies of this world. he wants me to feel what is right from wrong.

allah tests me with obstacles and hardships.. not because he hates.. but its because he loves me and giving me the best of life. he tests me so that i may improve myself. to be a better muslim. a better slave for him. yes i may be deeply shattered by my hearing loss.. but he does things for a reason. so, i accept this.


=)


i just want to listen while my senses are still functioning.. it may not be totally clear.. but whatever im left with.. i'll use it to its fullest. =)


allahu a'lam..




awoosh out. =)

i bid my final farewells to the audio world.

lovely evening with dearest

YATTTAAAAAAAAAA!!!!



sooo happeh today! (apart from the exhaustion)

finally gave 'arifah the present...


and her facial expression...

she was shocked/suprised/terperanjat/(all the same lah!)

HAHAHA!!


she was out of words!

the moment i gave her the card...

she was like : =O!!!



hahaha... <3

then on the way home in the train she read it.. while i...listened and prayed that she liked it while hugging my bag tight and closing my eyes.. xDD


then i heard her giggle... <3


waduuuhh!! awesome awesome awesome!


aniwaes.. after that.. had a fun trip home...yes.. IN THE MRT.. xD



aniwaes.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY PRINCESS 'ARIFAH!


^_^

its not really that "big"


hehe..


awoosh out!

i love you!

DONE DONE DONE DONE!!! =DDD

YESSAAAHHHH!! finally completed 'arifah's birthday present! well.. atleast 1/2 of the present aniwaes...


HAHAHA!!

WOW! i feel soo proud of myself! xD

not bad uh?

but still... could improve..... ALOT MORE......


haha... gosh.. hope she likes it..


hahahahha!! WOWZAZ! LOOK AT THE TIME!! xD i thought it was around 10pm!

hahaha!! okok! im off!!



awoosh out!


please please please please.... <3 i hope she likes itt....

why put in soo much effort for something small?

hmm.. mom asked a very interesting question just now.

why are you putting in soo much effort for something insignificant? you are wasting alot of time on this you know? couldnt you just settle for something simpler?



well, i dont mean to argue.. but, i feel that, something small which i have dedicated my hardwork,sweat and a lil bit of blood into, is not just for the fun of it. it just gives me a sense of satisfaction with every little detail i do. yes, it may be small in a way, but it is way way way significant that you can ever imagine. if it wasnt.. i wouldnt be cracking my skull to get my lazy buttock doing this. i could've just do it the easy way. but no. i prefer this way coz it says alot of what i am. it shows my true motif. this is a piece of what i am in that piece of item you list as "insignificant".



i do it because i want to. not because i have to.



after this, mom gave me a sweet smile. (i dont know what it means)


hmm... guessed i poured everything out...

my scacrifices will not be in vain... i hope.



awoosh out! =)