their eyes says everything

beautiful song <3

time to remind myself of my 14 quotes.

1) NEVER underestimate what a person can/cant do judging by his/her size/gender/strength/looks/behaviour.


2) RESPECT not only others but yourself too.


3) Do not only believe on what you see and hear. lies lie everywhere in this world of communication. these senses will not show you and guide you to the truth. but there is one that will, your heart.


4) FEAR is only a chimera. it plays tricks with your mind and you will think that you are unworthy or not strong enough to do something that you have to. FEAR is a restriction. let go of your fears. the only thing you must fear is not death..but god.


5) LIVE YOUR LIFE TO THE FULLEST.


6) scoldings are a part of life. one can take it two ways. 1) the person hates you and does it for the fun of it.so therefore i will hate this person back and be rebellious. or, 2) ouh, this person cares for me but is trying to put on a serious tone. i need to cooperate and show him/her that i will do it right the next time.i will take this as a learning point.


7) remember that life is too short to be living in regrets. if you do something bad..reflect on it and move on.. dont go back on the past coz its the past for a reason.if yesterday was the past..and today is a gift.. then tomoro is a present. remember that and keep moving forward.


8) Friends play a huge role in our lives besides our family members. they see us most of the time. take them as a brother/sister for life, is too difficult for any man/woman to walk alone. love them and they will love you back.


9) The reason why you are you is because god wanted you to be special in your own special way. many people are good in different things.. but you are better than them in something.. being YOURSELF


10) Time waits for no one. if you plan on wasting it, you are indeed a fool. but for those who cherish it and spends it wisely, will reap the fruits it sows.


11) As it states in the GOLDEN RULE, treat others the way you want to be treated. however,there's a second part to this which is, but if they take this for granted and dont treat you back the way you did. stop treating them so good. coz you are here to please yourself.and they most dont deserve you.


12) although something that was once yours is gone away for good and never coming back, do not drown yourself in sorrow and think all the negative thoughts..however smile because it was once yours.


13) one heartbreaking truth is worth to hear than a thousand lies. dont worry about how bad the truth is once you know what it is, you know what to do next rather than drowning your thought in worthless lies.


14) ALWAYS stay FAITHFUL. to your religion. your family. your friends. your soulmate. your work on earth.

all that i have to say..

there's a couple of things i'd like to get off my chest here.

a little poem from the top of my head.

for all my friends.

yeah.

at 1 am in the morning.

=\
i cant sleep! insomnia's kicking in!
_______________________________________


the first person that this poem's dedicated to,
is a friend whose constantly dragging me out from my blues
a tall friend, has a little bit of humour in every way
yeah i think you might know him, he's chin zhao wei.
for four years i've known him, he's the one im always with
we've been through thick and thin, regardless of width
he was my best friend, we were always helping each other
but now, i regard him nothingless as my own brother
yeah we do quarrel sometimes, we do have fights
but come to think of it, they wouldnt last till night.
and to this individual this poems dedicated to.
i'd just like to say thanks and may god bless you.

________________________________________


this one is for ghafran, the strangest soul yet
even though he's "different", i've never regret that we met
hah, i remember sec one orientation
we tickled each other, and weren't paying attention.
i remember the days when he's randomness would chime
i'll never forget it; the good old times.
he's a crazy fella, who paints himself in shades of blue
theres infinite possibilities as to what he can do
wierd reasons, random comments and all that
sometimes he can really be quite a brat
but there's one thing about him, no doubt
he's one of my brothers i wouldn't be here without.

________________________________________


there's this girl in this world
who took my life and gave it a whirl
she may be gullible, easy to fool
but she has a interesting personality, very cool
she's a laughing machine, giggling with all her might
without an umbrella im defenseless against her saliva that could take flight
always laughing at my jokes, regardless when or where
im glad she's a friend of mine, and is always there
dear davina liu,whom i dedicate this to
there's one more thing i'd like to tell you
you aren't "dude" enough to be my brother
but you are my only awesome sister from another mother.

________________________________________


in the times when my life turns dark and grey
i can count on these two to save the day
two individuals who help me up when i feel down
even turn my frown upside-down
though they might not have any super powers
their names are shipeng and randolph, my two other brothers
currently words cant describe how awesome they are
when fun is a round, they are not far
this poem is a tribute to them
both best friends and my best friends
im looking forward to hanging with you guys in the future
and make sure we get this all on pictures!

________________________________________


there's this one other girl who made my world and life such a blast
yes, this is the final person ; i left the best for last
her name doesn't start with any letters but with an apostrophe
she's the most caring and sweetest as sweet could be

words can't come close to describe her importance to me
the one who never fails to make me feel glee
she gives me the butterflies whenever i see her
she is one in a million ; an awesome dear

she's outgoing,zesty, caring and lovely times ten
she's always there to lend me a helping hand
in studies, about life, about religion she taught
i learned some valuable things which i knew not

we've been through tough times but still we stood strong
it is with you where my solace belong
my mind overflows with the memories of us
remembering on the time when we build on this thing called trust

i told you that life is not gonna be a bed of roses
its when we are furthest ; that's when our hearts come closest
i dont know what the future hold, allah has his plans ready for us
we need to prepare for things to unfold, and be ready to bite the dust

dear 'arifah 'aqilah, if you are reading this
i want you to know that your presence in my life is bliss
may our feelings continue blooming until time's end
you say you love me with all your heart, well, this is where i say i love you with all my heart too, my loving friend.

______________________________________________


its been a while since i touched on poetry
i dont think it's quite suiting me
maybe i'll stick to writing posts ages long
or maybe i'll just go make a song


this was a poem for all the closest friends i have that are dear to me
that i feel deserve recognition for the care they portrayed to me
im not good at language. im no writer.
but my passion is trying. to persevere.


awoosh out. ^_^

a tribute to a certain company.

a tribute to premier taxis
_____________________

from the left.

name : solihin
nickname : hin
personality : cool
favourite quote : ...


top middle.

name : halim (my uncle)
nickname : maman/halimah/halimamah
personality : random crazyness
favourite quote : (infinite)


right.

name : Ridzuan
nickname : wan
personality : collected/devious
favourite quote : (loads of sarcasm)


bottom middle.

unfortunately he left before i entered so didnt had the chance to meet him. =(

MOVING ON!

name : Idzwan
nickname : EWan/wan
personality : calm/jovial
favourite quote : kinky!/ who that?!
side note : wan really showed me the true meaning of the quote ; dont judge a book by its cover. reason being, when i first started working, i saw him as a typical mat rep. you know, hair touching the sky, piercings here and there, loads of bangles, smokes.. but he's personality really caught me by suprise! he looks gangster-ish but in actual fact, he's not! really the opposite!

name : desmond mak
nickname : mak
personality : on-the-ball (yet confused at times)/perverted
favourite quote : AH-MIAO!!/ hello?? WHO THAT?? / AIYAHH YOUU AHH..

from the right.


name : muhammad dustigeer
nickname : abang mat
personality : loner
favourite quote : amir, tuu abang dah belikan epok epok tuu
side note : though abg mat is very quiet in nature.. me and him do communicate quite often! maybe from our similarity of personality perhaps.. =)


on the left.

name : willam
nickname : mr williams
personality : perverted/ calm
favourite quote : mmm.. that girl hot!
side note : william is a cool guy, but he's much too open.. xD and when we talk, its always about girls.. xD

name : frankie
nickname : the reporter
personality : the "kecoh" type. always complaining/perverted
favourite quote : MACAM MAU MATII AH!/ (perverted stuff)
side note : frankie is your typical singaporean with a little twist of perverseness.but he's fun to conversate with especially during times of sheer boredom at work!

name : nigel james goh
nickname : james
personality : open/ outspoken/jovial/lazy/perverted
favourite quote : bro, kau gi mana makan nari? belikan aku?

from left.


name : nurasilah
nickname : kak silah/nenek/adek
personality : lively/loud/outspoken
favourite quote : AUUSSS! * LAUGHS LOUDLY*
side note : one of my lunch buds.. always happy go lucky, always irritating me. she doesn't talk. she roars. xD


right.


name : july
nickname : miss july
personality : soft spoken/ambitious
favourite quote : james! awak mahu makan apa? mee pok lagi?
side note : SHE SPEAKS MALAY DAMEE WELL! =O

name : raymond
personality : relaxed/heck-care attitude
favourite quote : that basket!

name : melvin ng
nickname : naga penyek (flat dragon)
personality : loud bark no bite.
favourite quote : PDI side..... amir! do(this that this that)
side note : this, is my boss.. =/ his nickname is solely given to the fact that he is very fierce but his face looks like a dragon but only that his face is flat.. thus the name.. xD

name : cat
nickname: ... cat??
personality : sleep all day
favourite quote : meow.
side note : this cat always greets me the first thing i come to work without fail. he's the first and the last thing i'll see at work. =DD





there are loads more people whom i would like to show but the fact is, i dont have pics of them. =/ ouhwell..




thank you for the opportunity to be working with a company.
it was really an eye-opener for me because it was really different from your average FnB work.
though it has been a very swift time, i'll cherish every single hour i had working with premier.
thanks again for completing my uncompleted months and giving me money so that i wont rely on my mom and to also pay for my own bills! =D


awoosh out!

haters gonna hate, bakers gonna bake. awoosh gonna study.

describing today in words.

1) WET
2) COLD
3) Headache
4) COLD(i know..i said it already.. but its sooooo COLD!)
5) merepek.
6) (negative words)
7) (positive words)
9) tired
10) sleepy



hmm.. im using the com to find out meanings about some new words i found while i was reading a book earlier today.

interesting..

expanding my vocabulary!
____________________________________


today was great! except for the hole in my 3 year old (dying) converse shoe i love soo much which constantly keeps filling up with rainwater.

when i got home and took off my shoe.. only god knows the things that were inside my shoe..

UGH!


and my foot look like a dead person's feet. sooo pale and wrinkly and cold and...lifeless..



speaking of lifeless.. just reactivated my fb account a few minutes ago.


and yes.. the only word to describe that "popular/ever-expanding" social network is 'dead'.

hmm.. lets see..


i look through everyone's profile..


most of them post about their problems.

hmm.. since when did facebook changed its name to RANTbook?

i mean.. its called a social network for you to socialise..

not to tell the world how much your life sucks etc etc..

=_=..

besides that, i realise how much of my life has been wasted through that.


i mean, why were handphones created? TO CONNECT TO PEOPLE.

why'd you need facebook for when you have handphone??


to chat with people? call them, easy.

private messege them? send them a text. done.

friend cameo?? VIDEO CALL THEM. =_=

games?? i think handphones have better games than 1000 games in facebook.

because facebook is free? WRONG. when you use facebook, you use it on your com. when you use your com, you use electricity, when you use electricity, you pay money. which is way way way way way way way more expensive than normal phone bills.


facebook goes mobile? why? waste memory space. and it defeats the purpose of a phone. =_=




after being without facebook for so long, i realize that.. actually, its just a waste of time. =/ not generalizing anything..

im just speaking with a free thought of my opinions.. other people may think otherwise, maybe they havent feel it yet. hmm.. we'll let time show facebook's fate.


newspaper articles say that facebook is losing users.. hmm.. im not suprised.


and again,

" ACCOUNT DEACTIVATED "
___________________________________________________



so, this is june the 30th.

which is known as the last day of the month.

so, as i've said, im going to use the com til the end of this month and will not be online till the end of the year and so, i will stay true to my words for myself.




no more blogging, no more youtubing, most certainly, no more facebooking.



from tomoro onwards, smart-core studying initiates. hard-core studying is not my way of studying.. smart-core is. <-- made up.


gonna start studying smart starting tomoro.



________________________________________


lastly, imma stopping work at the end of july.

so i can concentrate for two more solid months till it begins.


half the year is gone, time to put every ounce of effort for the next 3 more months..


believe. be strong. be faithful.


insyallah.



assalamua'laikum.


awoosh out

YOU... i remember you. the one who started my fear.

just a quick lil update on whats been going on today.


hmm.. as usual, daily same-old's, same-old's..

but,

i got a lil sick during the last few hours at work..

now, im running a fever and having a bad headache..

=/


ANYWHOOO..


while i was in the train returning home.. this girl entered.

when she looked at me,
the memories rushed in.

i remember..
i remember.. those piercing eyes.
i remember that look..
i remember her name.
i remember, her threats..
i remember, the wounds she caused with the bullets she shot through her mouth.
i remember, the insults.it still plays in my mind.
i remember, how long i tolerated her endless demoralizing speeches.
i remember, how insignificant i was to her.
i remember, how she treated me like dirt.
i remember, the tears she caused me to cry.
i remember, how she made me feel scared.
lastly, i remember, how she made me think girls were heartless monsters and have no mercy in the likes of people like me. my fear.

the stare she gave me in the mrt, i knew that she remembered the torment she gave me.
i know she remembers.


however, im done with the past.

i've let go of the past, im not afraid anymore. sec 1, thats where my life changed when i met a girl. not just any ordinary girl. a girl, who accepts what i am. who turned my life upside down and helped me conquer my fear just to get to know her.

now, she's always there for me. always there with a helping hand. im grateful.


this extraordinary girl whom have helped me,her name is 'arifah 'aqilah.

and i love her.



to the girl, i used to hate you in the past. but that was the past. i've learned to forgive, though i will never forget.



hmm, i guess you taught me something about life afterall.



awoosh out! time to rest... ZZZ




(hmm.. till now, i dont really know why she hated me so much.. =/ well, somethings are better left unknown. =) )





ooo... throbbing in my head... burning in my veins...

get well by tomoro awoosh... =_=..

jakarta/green lantern with das!! and a few words on the people i miss most.

DUM DUM DUM.....

it is SAT-TUHH-DAEY NAIHT!

and im back here on my blog to post about my did's for the past week or so..

time for an update!


______________________________________


so, recently, i've been to jakarta for a 4 day vacation from singapore..
so, i'll describe each day out of the four days in a few words then i'll explain.

day 1 -> mom angry.bad bad day in jakarta.
day 2 -> rides galore at jakarta's own replica of USS.
day 3 -> a drive through... ZOO??!
day 4 -> *breathes in* stooopitindonesiancustomsofficerholdingthefamilybackcausingustomissourflightandhadtowaitforanotheronejustbecausemymaidhadtocreateanewworkerspermitiftheywereemployedasdomesticworkersoverseas.

(lol.. yessah, made one full sentence seem like one word! hah! not bad uh!)

ok so, day 1, mom was really pissed, at me? NO WAY... at the young ones..(awoosh goodboy *angelic smile* )

apparently, they were making too much noise and mom was disorientated from the jet lag which in turn causes her to lose her cool. nice going kiddos.. =/


day two was... AWEE-*wait for it*-SOOOMMEEE!! i mean.. whats not awesome bout theme parks??
extreme rides pumping up the adrenaline.. wozzazz!! you should here what my adik sounds like on the ride.. xDD EPIC.


day three, OFF TO THE SAFARI WE GOO! was stuck in a heavy jam for two hours! the trip there totalled to about 4 hours! WOWZAZ! half of the journey was great!(yeah, only coz i slept..=/)
when we were there(at the zoo), i NEVER thought i'd see the day where you actually enter the animal enclosure..BY CAR. yes.. BY CAR! I WAS LIKE HOLY CRUMBCAKES!! THOSE ZEBRAS HAVE NICE MUSTACHES!! and those mascara on their eyes makes their eyelashes standout! SO LOONG! very very cool, and yeah, got to ride on an elephant, a camel and a horse! though my crotch has abit of problem with it.. =S


ANIWAESS.... day four! went shopping!(though i never bought anything..=/)
and yeah.. thats all for day four.. everything i wanna say about day 4 is already stated above.. ;D

ouh... i should mention about the time we went to the superhero street where all the shops have their own superhero. xD superman has his own shop..spider man too.. even macdonalds!(wait..he is a super hero..right?) and while walking down by the road.. some idiot in his car thought he could manouver his car and avoid the traffic by driving near the roadside where i was.. guess he didnt realise how big i was when the whole left side of his car hit me causing me to "fly" a meter to the front. lol, lucky for me, no serious injuries.. actually, nothing was broken.. nothing was bruised, no scratches.. no blueblacks no swelling.. NOTHING! alhamdulillah nothing serious happened.. but it did make quite a loud noise when we collided.. people behind me who saw it..their jaws drop coz after i got hit, i just shook my hand and kept on walking.. people infront of me turned to see what happened.. mom was shocked.. dad was abit frantic.. xD chey.. awoosh muscle seyh... tsk... i think walking down a superhero street gave me some super powers.. xD heee...

ok end of jakarta story.
_____________________________________


so, today, was bored at home.( AT 6 AM IN THE MORNING AFTER SUBUH PRAYERS. =_=)
felt like going out.. but didnt know what to do!
thinking about watching a movie but dont know what to watch!
thinking about who to invite but have no idea who!
then, i remembered, DAS!!!!

after i bumped into him a few weeks back, i made last minute plans with him for a movie!

woohooo!!


WATCHED MY FAVOURITE SUPERHERO IN ACTION!!! THE GREEEEENN LANTERN!!
SSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOO COOOOLL!!!!

i mean the only words to describe it is just. WOW.

xD a must watch for all. even if you dont like the colour green or.. flying man in thights..or..flying man in green thights.. =/


hahaa!! but before the movie.. went to play some pool with das ;D well, i beat him 4-1 ! WOOH!
damn.. during the game.. screwed up loads and ended laughing our booties off at each others failed attempts to get the ball inside the hole! xD


after the movie, went window shopping for shoes. *drools* so..nice...xD

and lastly, had dinner at burger king.. NACHO WHOPPER IS DA BOMB! =DD

_____________________________________


hmm.. speaking of da.. i miss davina.. =((

hmm.. speaking of missing people.. i miss 'arifah..

speaking of missing people i love the most in this whole wide world, i miss.. their voices..

their sweet voices... from dada's extremely contagious though irritatingly excessively salivatious laughter, to 'arifah's innocent and cute yet sarcastic at times yet loving and caring and that "ouh awoosh is so merepek" look giggle..

i miss you ladies..
i miss you more than a child misses his teddy bear..
i miss you more than a teenage boy missing his black ops..
i miss you more than all of justin biebers songs can express,combined..
i miss you more than all the songs about missing people from all over the world from different languages no matter english,malay,chinese,hokkien,cantonese,french,pinoy,german,indian,tamil,punjabi,bollywood,hollywood,american idol put together!



(i know american idol isnt a national language.. =_=)



i wish i will be given a chance to see you again.

insyallah.


to my loving younger sister from the different mother, davina, i hope i can meet you soon and make you laugh like theres no tomoro and beat the record for the longest laughter ever while making you spit missiles of your salavation. <3


to my loving friend, my dear whom has showered me with great love, 'arifah, insyallah, we will again see each other and who know's? we could even start meeting again like we used to as usual on mondays and/or thursdays after your school and after my work! insyallah.. pray hard. and ask Allah for guidance. he will show you the way insyallah. <3



well then, this concludes my ridiculously long post for this week..

hmm.. looks like im getting comfortable with updating my blog with new content on saturday nights.. hmm.. maybe i will start from today onwards! =)

stay tuned for more "long as hell" and "merepek" posts from me!



phew...

my hands are tired.. =/


and im still typing... =_=


ok...awoosh... stop...typing..


NOW....


hm......


i dont wanna...


ouh wait.. yes i do..


xD


i've just wasted 14 seconds of my life by doing this..

and you've just wasted 20 seconds of your life reading this!


HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!!


nice.

im sorry..


i'll go now.



awoosh out!


1444 <3

JAK-ARRR-TAAAAAAAHH!!

well, counting down to my flight...


its gonna be 5 more hours.

=))


im excited for this trip! maybe its coz it gives me time off from work and daily negativities.


its gonna be a good break. ^_^


hmm.. after i get back.. gonna start with renewing my singpass and getting started on registration for NS... =_=... such a bad timing seriously..


and.. yeah.. soo... its the holidays!

for.. 4 days only..

ahaha.. mehhh... 4 days pon jadi lah..

alhamdulillah..


hmm.. i've been off from facebook for about 2 weeks now... and i dont feel the urge to reactivate my account...


wierd..


guess i've rid fb out of my system! thats a good thing!..


now that i've finally gotten the "urge" to do maths questions...

AHAHAHA!! SOOO FUNNN!!!



ok.. so, hope this year will be the last of this madness.


gonna set things straight. and make things right. for a better future!


INSYALLAH!


then,maybe one day(insyallah), i will meet again with her.


dear loving friend, i hope you are doing well. =)


all the best for your upcoming endeavors!


we will meet up soon one day insyallah. ^_^




till then, take care alright?

^_^




hee..



well, seems like i wont be "leaving" the com until the end of this month... soo...


nahh.. wont be reactivating fb.. =/ maybe i'll just read through my old blog and see what i can remember.. ^_^



awoosh out!!



OFF TO JAKARTA!


WEEEEEE~~!!!

3 more days till jakarta trip!

yessah!


alhamdulillah! dapat juga getaway from singapore during the holiday...



cant wait for that! =DD




=))))



awoosh out!


wooo.. 14 days of no com.. =)..



yay... now.. lets try.. one month without com.. =DD



ready? GO!!!


awoosh out!

and it begins.

im off till end of the year.

no more messing around. no more distractions.no more wasting time.no more.no more.NO MORE.



im gonna set things straight.

i screwed up before, i wont screw up now.

everything's on the line.

too much is at stake.

i've spent the last couple of days preparing myself. mentally,physically and emotionally.

im done with all thats happened.

FULLSTOP.


O Allah, most gracious,most merciful, i pray for you to provide shelter for the ones i care for, from evil,from harm,from lies of this world.please shower them with your great tides of blessings and strengthen their hearts and soul so that they may continue to serve you with purity in their heart and mind. Ya Allah, give them strength to overcome any hardships they face while im away.i pray that you would provide them with everlasting sustenance and forgive them of their sins both past and future for you are most merciful,most forgiving. YA Allah! all praises to you for bringing these souls into my life. i am extremely grateful for these gifts. O YA Allah, the one i live for,the one i die for,lord of the 'alamin, please..please protect them.



Amin. Ya Rabb al-'Alamin.


assalamua'laikum.


awoosh is gone.

sacrifice.

"with sacrifice, one will learn patience."


yes.


my uncle once told me : " siapa yang hidup senang di dunia yang tidak ditimpa dengan apa apa masalah, adalah orang yang tidak mudah untuk masuk syurga. ini kerana Allah swt selalu menguji kita dengan menurunkan masalah masalah tersebut supaya dia boleh tahu berapa kuatkah keinginan kita sebagai hamba hambanya untuk menyembahNYA."



today, started off as hell.


i woke up with a fever and my head my pounding like mad.

i forced myself to the shower. and off to work.(forgetting to perform sembahyang subuh)


at work, i was sooo.. tired because last night i slept late. and my boss was complaining away..
i felt miserable due to my unwell condition and i was soo caught up with my status that i forgot to perform zohor.


then, the worst struck, i thought i already had suffered enough mental and physical torture. then she msged me, forcing in negativity into my chest. now im emotionally tortured too.


but then, something struck me. i told her it was alright and gave her a reassuring tone eventhough it was a dark time.

i put down my phone and went to perform asar.


during asar, for some reason, i cried all the way.


i literally cried my heart out during asar.


after asar, i sat in the prayer room and reflected upon my day.

i asked allah for guidance. i asked for him to strengthen my patience. to help me through my dark times. to brighten my heart.


right then and there, i felt a WHOLE LOT better.

alhamdulillah. alhamdulillah. alhamdulillah.


this was an eye opener for me today.

it shows that HE is most powerful.most forgiving.

______________________________________________________________


dear 'arifah,


i hope you are reading this. i have no idea what you are feeling now. but im pretty sure its extreme sadness. i felt it too dear. it kills me inside when you said that. i was at a lost for words. but i want you to know, what ever happens. she is your number one priority. you need to listen to her. dont worry bout me lah.. leave me for last.. im un-important.. family comes first. when she says do it, you do it ok? yeah, the pain inside my heart overwhelms me.. to hear that she.... yeah.. i really thought that she would approve of it when you msged me yesterday night.. i was very sure.. but there was this feeling in my gut that tells me.. sooner or later.. something was gonna happen.


'arifah, i want you to know that, no matter what gets thrown away, i assure you. i assure you that my love for you DOES NOT.


please dont give in to grief dear. please be strong.



like i said. dont worry about the price of the item or whatever not.

i...my family.. did it for you. with full sincerity.


=)




awoosh out!


i love you dear.

cmon memory... cmon...

its just not working...

i mean..

i've been sitting here for days..

going through a profile at a time on facebook..

why?? just to remember who that person is.. how did we meet.. where we met..when we met..and why did we meet..


=_=... macam mauu mattiiiii....


ramainya kawan!!


currently.. on friend number 146..


still have.... 1000+ more profiles to look through and regain my memory..


=/

this is just.......tooo slow...



after i told qin and teha about my memory loss..

i realised i've forgotten more than i realised... =/


memories...memories...



please... come back to mee..........





=(((((

being deaf.

im starting to feel what being deaf feels like.


your surroundings begin to fade as if the world as you know it goes mute.

im having a hard time getting use to my half my audio taken away from me..


maybe its because im an audio-oriented person..

i believe my life will be in agony if i were to be permanently deaf.

how can i listen to my favourite songs??

im gonna miss hearing azans... im gonna miss listening to surah's being recited.. im gonna miss the voices i live for.. the voices i love. my family's voices.. 'arifah's voice... my friends voices..

=((

but, if i were to go permanently deaf. only then will i know. who truely loves me. they will be the ones always on my side guiding me through this tough ordeal. if allah wishes to take this sense from me. let it be. im happy to give it away. coz, i've still got others to compensate for it. if i were to be deaf, i know. i know that allah wants the best for me. he doesnt want me to listen to all the lies of this world. he wants me to feel what is right from wrong.

allah tests me with obstacles and hardships.. not because he hates.. but its because he loves me and giving me the best of life. he tests me so that i may improve myself. to be a better muslim. a better slave for him. yes i may be deeply shattered by my hearing loss.. but he does things for a reason. so, i accept this.


=)


i just want to listen while my senses are still functioning.. it may not be totally clear.. but whatever im left with.. i'll use it to its fullest. =)


allahu a'lam..




awoosh out. =)

i bid my final farewells to the audio world.

lovely evening with dearest

YATTTAAAAAAAAAA!!!!



sooo happeh today! (apart from the exhaustion)

finally gave 'arifah the present...


and her facial expression...

she was shocked/suprised/terperanjat/(all the same lah!)

HAHAHA!!


she was out of words!

the moment i gave her the card...

she was like : =O!!!



hahaha... <3

then on the way home in the train she read it.. while i...listened and prayed that she liked it while hugging my bag tight and closing my eyes.. xDD


then i heard her giggle... <3


waduuuhh!! awesome awesome awesome!


aniwaes.. after that.. had a fun trip home...yes.. IN THE MRT.. xD



aniwaes.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY PRINCESS 'ARIFAH!


^_^

its not really that "big"


hehe..


awoosh out!

i love you!

DONE DONE DONE DONE!!! =DDD

YESSAAAHHHH!! finally completed 'arifah's birthday present! well.. atleast 1/2 of the present aniwaes...


HAHAHA!!

WOW! i feel soo proud of myself! xD

not bad uh?

but still... could improve..... ALOT MORE......


haha... gosh.. hope she likes it..


hahahahha!! WOWZAZ! LOOK AT THE TIME!! xD i thought it was around 10pm!

hahaha!! okok! im off!!



awoosh out!


please please please please.... <3 i hope she likes itt....

why put in soo much effort for something small?

hmm.. mom asked a very interesting question just now.

why are you putting in soo much effort for something insignificant? you are wasting alot of time on this you know? couldnt you just settle for something simpler?



well, i dont mean to argue.. but, i feel that, something small which i have dedicated my hardwork,sweat and a lil bit of blood into, is not just for the fun of it. it just gives me a sense of satisfaction with every little detail i do. yes, it may be small in a way, but it is way way way significant that you can ever imagine. if it wasnt.. i wouldnt be cracking my skull to get my lazy buttock doing this. i could've just do it the easy way. but no. i prefer this way coz it says alot of what i am. it shows my true motif. this is a piece of what i am in that piece of item you list as "insignificant".



i do it because i want to. not because i have to.



after this, mom gave me a sweet smile. (i dont know what it means)


hmm... guessed i poured everything out...

my scacrifices will not be in vain... i hope.



awoosh out! =)

14/4/11

a verrryy lovely day today masyallah!


IF EVERYDAY WAS TO BE LIKE THIS DAY...I WOULD LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER!

slept early yesterday..

and woke up fresh as ever

and today is a very special day for me..

coz...

hahaha... ^_^ have lah..

and wow.. i say man.. this day cannot get any better..

in the morning.. donated a few dollars to SP flag day people..

then after that.. got more praising at work..

then.. get my pay..

then 'arifah text me after that saying she loves me.(<3)

then it rained(soo cool)

mrt not sooo crowded..

i'd say.. today is a very excellent day indeed..



LARLING!! I LOVE YOU TOOOO!! =DD

sorry i couldnt pick up your phone call..

was actually praying at that time..

i was abit sad when you said the meet up was cancelled.. however..

i agree with you..

that this day will be in our hearts.

^_^

you really made my day 4414 times better than what it was..

THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCHHHH!!!


alhamdulillah.. thank you for a great day Allah.



awoosh out.

1444!!

i bleed, i bled, now it hurts.

back from work.

yeah.. same old same old..

hahahahaha!

you know..

you should NEVER get TOO engrossed with your work.

the reason being.. you may hit your head on something sharp and get your scalp slightly torn and you'll bleed.


haha.. thats what happened to me...


ouchies..


nii lah.. kan chiong sangat vacuum kereta..

terlupa ada boot roof with the sharp metal hook.

then banged my head against it..


after that i swear...

I DIDNT REMEMBER ANYTHING!

NOT A SINGLE THING!

i forgot that i was vacuuming the car.

i forgot my lunch break.

i forgot.....

I FORGOT..........


=_=


i hope i only lost abit of my memory.

ahh.. seriously..

i hope i just dont forget any important things. =(


....

MIND-BLASTING!!

SO MUCH HAPPENED OVER THE WEEKEND!! I JUST CANT POUR IT OUT RIGHT NOW..

SOOOOOOOO THE EXHAUSTED..

hahahaa..


i'll post it tomoro insyallah..

awoosh out! =DD

1/2 day work! AWE-SOME.

YESSAAHHH!! today half day of work!!


coz i told my uncle that had to collect my testimonial from school..

SKALI TESTIMONIAL BELUM DATANG.....


WADUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHH.......

best..
so nevermnd lah..

sat in school at watch them carry out their house meeting..

LOL...


nasib baik aman was there with me.. if not... BORING HABISAN PUNYA!

then ate cheesecake!!

AMAN BOUGHT FOR MEEE!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHA >:D

but then shared it with imran and izyan..

FUYOOOHH..

they ate 3/4 of the cake seyh!!

=((

hahahahahaaa...

then played the piano for awhile..

thats pretty much my day..

ouh and tricia bought for me another cheesecake as a super belated birthday present!

=DD aww.. thanks tricia!

time to enjoy.. ;D

______________________________________________________


so.. after i got home.. i was roaming through facebook on the daily reminders page.

and then i found this -> http://www.iloveallaah.com/book/en_Do_not_be_Sad.pdf

and i was blown away.

WOW.


astounding find =DDD


i think im gonna print this and read it at work when im free.. =DDD

______________________________________________________



well.. thats all for today..


and yeah.. boss and big boss said : hmm.. you are not meeting our expectations.

me : ouh.. =( im sorry to hear that..

them : what are you sorry for? its because you have exceeded it.. your standard of work is very commendable. if i can say so, you are even better than the full timer themselves regarding the PDI standards. you raised the standards to a whole new level and we expect you to maintain it at that level.

me: *speechless* *nod nod* yes sir.. i'll do my best. =)

them : keep it up =)



hahahaha.. you just dont know how much this made my day yesterday...


xDD




awoosh out!

a perfect sunday.

now concludes a perfectly good day i've spent doing maths.

hahaha..

not bad muhammad firdaus amir! 6 hours of nothing but maths.

*pat pat*


ahahahahahahahaaa!!!!


ahhh.. its nice..

the weather's neither too hot nor cold..

just right.. ^_^


so..delighful.


well..its the end of the week.

only a few hours left till a new week starts..

and work continues..

=/

hmm.. nonetheless.. IM EXCITED! =DD

time to go pack up for tomoro.


^_^


awoosh out!

Eye Loafer sow march. eat hertz two sea err sat. =(

yesterday was a really beautiful day i spent with myself.

watched RANGO! so cute!! =DD

makes me want to get a lizard/chameleon for a pet.

so adorable!!

ahahahahaaa...

good movie..

and i learned a new quote from that.

" NO MAN CAN ESCAPE HIS OWN STORY "

it means that, whoever you are in this world, you cant be someone else. you were born in this world for a purpose. you cant just fake your way through life pretending to be someone you are not. even if you do pretend to be someone else, one day, you will encounter an incident where you question yourself, who are you? and when that day comes.. you do not have the answer. you are born in this world to be yourself. not other people. so live life to the fullest in your own shoes.


quite meaningful ^_^

coz..in the movie.. rango, he didnt know who he was..

mixed identity...

then he lied to be someone else to gain popularity..

and then suffered the consequences..

throughout the movie.. the quote lingers from scene to scene.


a must watch movie.

__________________________________________________


now for abit more serious blogging.

when i got home today

'arifah seemed so down when i chatted with her. =(

she told me that her phone is not with her and that mission was accomplished?

im guessing that her mum took it because... maybe she saw the messeges i sent her?

hmm.. but why did she say that "mission is accomplished"??

does she mean that all this while she actually wanted her phone to get taken away??

hmm..

then we talked about me and her not meeting again..

and at that moment.. my spirit shattered.

my happiness was at a complete zero.

negativity filled my numb skull..

*sigh..

i was struck with grieve.. =/


but i hung on to three words to keep me going through.

" ITS NOT OVER "

i kept repeating those words in my head to keep me sane.

i kept my cool and continued to chat

and what started out from a sad chat in the end became a fun evening with my awesome dear.

i wish we could meet up soon.

its her i find solace in.

and besides.. i need to pass her the can lids.. xD

hahaa.. last but not least..


thank you for mentoring me for the past weeks..

it may not be much, but i appreciate your effort to help me.

and when i say that you are committed.. i meant..

you actually took time to actually take 1.5 hours off your busy schedule/rest time to actually make time for teaching me. you had the choice to say no but you still said yes into teaching me. and i was like i dont want to make life harder for you than it already is, but you still wanted to teach me..

im touched lah 'arifah.. i really am..

without you, i wouldnt be able to get through the O level period. without you, you know that i wouldnt have learned more about islam than i already know (which is not much)

without you, i wouldnt have tried searching for schools that i could make it in like for example psychology school and the MDIS thing..

without you, i would still be that boy who is afraid of girls..

without you, a cheesecake would never be the same coz it brings so much memories every bite.

without you, i wouldnt be sexy right now because of the regular walks we had during secondary school life.( lol )

without you i wouldnt have gone to chinese garden and eat chipsmore and bushuk-ing all day!

without you, i wont be what i am today coz you are one of the people that has significantly changed my life for the better!

and finally without you, i wouldnt be able to be a man and tell you straightforward my feelings towards you and realize true love.

thank you loving friend for all you've done.

seems like the only other communication system we can use is msn.

however, its already good enough ^_^

well..thats my story for today.




awoosh out!!

ouh and i didnt had the chance to say this to you yesterday so...


i love you 'arifah 'aqilah! ^_^

be strong girl and dont give up..

tough times dont last, tough people do!! =DDD

my patience grows thin.

*sigh..

my happiness is plummeting..

melvin starts his crap again..

made me rush here and there and at the end..

made me confused about what to do.

and better yet, it delayed me on getting the taxis ready for them to be checked out.

damn..

i was raging through my work yesterday for time.

i vaccumed,polished,wiped,clean and checked all 8 cars in 30 minutes.
(usually takes me 1.5 hours.

i guessed i used my adrenaline from my frustration and use it to fuel my work done.

hmm.. =/

but i still need more self control.

i need to stay calm.


then when i got back from vivo.

i checked the events page for the sembwinds outing..

WHAT...THE...

WOW.. everyone MAYBE going.......

BEST.

and im the only one confirmed going..

whats this man??

if you dont want to go out you could just say it directly in my face right??

why did facebook even bothered to put a "maybe" button.. i dont get it lah..

its making it difficult for the organiser to expect the number of people attending the event..

so i guess.. im the only one whose gonna attend?

hah.. i can understand if you cant make it for some reason..

BUT YOU STILL PUT YOURSELF AS "MAYBE" COMING?!

WHAAATTT????!!!

thanks arh bro.

all the best for your competition by the way.


my patience is deteriorating..

last thing that pissed me off..

this person was supposed to help me with the sembwinds event.

i told him to manage the event page while i was away for work.

and coz when i get back from work i'll be super tired to do anything..

and this person is not even working. so he's all free..

AND THEN...HE LEFT THE ADMIN WORK ALL TO ME.

THANKS ARH BRO...


seems like i cant trust anyone anymore.

*sigh....

______________________________________________________


on a side note,

i am grateful for 'arifah being there for me and making my day better.

hmm..

i need more self control..

thanks dear.
____________________________________________________


this is where i end this post.

i didnt mean to hurt anyone in this post.

this is just me venting my anger.

so if anyone gets offended, i apologise.



awoosh out.

the continuation of my agony...

hmmm....

im soooo sad right now.....

soo..soo..sooooo sad...


i've lost my ipod..

MY OUH-SO-SPECIAL GREEEEEN IPOD......

NOOOOOOO......

i cant find it anywhere at home...

=((

it cant be at work...

coz i checked..i double checked..i triple checked..i quadruple checked..

to make sure nothing was gone..

but i didnt notice that it was gone...

aww mannn....


my birthday present of last year!!!


TIDAAAAKKKKKKKK!!!!!!


im super bummed now..


'arifah distracted me from missing my ipod when i met her yesterday..

had fun and merepekness..

then after she left..

i searched for my ipod in my pocket only to remember that i lost it..

=_=.. SADDD LAHHHH...


HOW CAN I LIVE WITHOUT MY IPOD?!


waduuuuuuhh....



it would be such a miracle if i found it at work tomoro..

but like mr chong said.. miracles only happen to those who get knock down by cars.

=(((




sadd.....



awoosh out..

thanks dear for distracting me from the sadness of losing my ipod..

SMILE ON YOUR FACE! HAH! I DID IT!

BWAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!


YESSSSSAAAAHH!!! TAKKEEE THATT BOSSS.... =PPP

YOU ARE HAPPY WITH MY WORK AND YOU KNOW IT COZ I SAW YOU SMILE...

HAH!!

wahh seyh.. tired..

today : scrubbed extra hard. polish extra shiny. clean extra.. finally paid off..

hah.. now he'll leave me alone coz he knows i can do a good job. ;D

nyehehehehhe!!

verrreh verreh verreh happy ^_^


thanks to 'arifah and my uncle \m/

love you guys very much!


hahaahahahaa...

wahh..soooo tiredd now.. barely keeping my eyes open..


hold on..let me get toothpicks..


....

....

....


ahh.. better..
^_^

ahh.. even more tired than yesterday..

guess it takes alot more energy to please the boss...

=_=...


thanks arh boss...




_____________________________________________________


'ARIFAH CEPAT ONLINE.... I IS WANNTS TO CHATTING WITH YOU!!!

cepat before i sleep infront of the com!!!!!!!


CEEPPPPPPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




xDD



awww.... ~_~...



awoosh out. great day today. ^_^

guilt.kills.me.inside.

FINE.I ADMIT IT..ITS MY FAULT.

now go wipe that disappointed look off your face.

staring me down wont make things better you know.

third day of work and you expect me to know everything like i've been working for 3 years?

dude.. give me a break lah. one little mistake, you give me that disappointed look.

i know im not quite reaching your standards..

BUT YOU HAVE GOT TO UNDERSTAND. im only human. i make mistakes.. im sure you do too.

but hey.. pick on the new guy? seems abit low for you.

i'll prove you wrong mr melvin.

i make sure i will wash your face till the only thing you can do is smile at what i've done.

im already doing my best. and being alone in a garage full of cars to check, wash, clean, polish, repair, paste stickers and vacuum.. is really quite overwhelming alone. and on top of that.. i have to stand by to take in more cars into the garage for inspection and also give details to halim whose at the office.

i am always to blame..

always the one guilty at the end of the day.

when will i feel liberation..?

i cant even take a short rest after doing work coz you always come in when im resting and saying that im not doing anything which in actual fact i have done all i was supposed to.

other workers say that im just sitting around doing nothing.. eyh..cmon.. its my first few days and im lost and dono what to do. after tomoro, dont be suprised if im working my ass off and skipping lunch times. coz i will show you guys what i am capable of.

i am a man of words. not the fool of talk.

belive me.

awoosh out.

(thanks for ending my day on a bad note.)

SECOND DAY OF WORK. X_X

wow..

second day of work.. and already very exhausted..

and i dont think the cause of my exhaustion is the work..

i think it must the be midnight movie i watched with my family on saturday night..

and also didnt have enough sleep on sunday coz got madrasah in the morning..

balik jer kene ikut ibu gi jalan till 10+...

and yeah.. must pack for work somemore.. then sleep at 11.45.

and with my stupid cough acting up again... it disrupted my sleep and i finally slept at 12.25am.

best.

then wake up at 5.45 for subuh..

and yeah..

TIRED LAHH...

and today was a bad day too..

due to my exhaustion.. i was abit cranky today..

my boss lah.. =_=.. do this..do that.. then say never check properly lah..

then never do things correctly lah.. and forget to do this and that lah..

O_o...DUDE. I CHECKED IT 4 TIMES..HOW CAN I NOT CHECKED PROPERLY?? =_=

never do things properly i can understand lah.. IM NEW! TWO DAYS OLD IN THE COMPANY ONLY!

and about forgetting to do stuff?? dude.. I DIDNT KNOW I HAD TO DO IT.. NO ONE BRIEFED ME!

....

no wonder people dont like their bosses..

ahahaa.. but i do.

yes i like my boss. he's dynamic in a way..

and bosses being bosses.. i think he set a high expectation for me.

no matter.. i will rise above it.

lol.. bosses...always bossing you around..

_____________________________________________________


anyways.. made new friends again from work today..

and also made friends with a couple of taxi drivers too..

xDD not bad uhh??
_____________________________________________________

hahaa.. gosh..i was soo tired that every time after prayers(zuhr/asar) i slept in the praying area for about a good 15 minutes.

so nice..

so peaceful.. =))


so yeah..thats today for the life of muhammad firdaus amir i guess.

i think imma go sleep early tonight..

too shagged already..



awoosh out!

madrasah + marriage?

hahaa.. apparently was discussing on the topic of marriage today at madrasah.

we were discussing on the different types of couples and their ethnicity etc.

different races marrying each other.. and the characteristics of a family.

then we had a little discussion called : what will you do for your family when you get married later?

everyone had turns to speak on what they would do for their future family.

answers :

i will work hard so that i can keep the food on the table for my wife and kids.
i will take good care of my kids and expose them to the teachings of islam so that they may be a better muslim and serve Allah.
i will do my best to provide them love and show them that i support them all the way.
i will be a good mother and take care of my children and husband.
i will be a good role model to my wife and kids.
i will die for them.


when it was my turn, i smiled and said : ustazah, i believe that i will protect them from harm. however, i will not die for them. its bcoz, they mean everything to me and why would i die for them? i wanna live because of them. the answers that the others have given are also what i intend to do for my future family because i will love them. i will teach them islamic values so that they may come closer to paradise.


then suddenly there was an awkward silence.
then, uztazah said : alhamdulillah, firdaus, your family will be closer to paradise insyallah.very good answer.


...

ahahaa.. i did not believe i just said that!..

i mean.. that was the first time i spoke with confidence in madrasah..

hahaa.. first time for everything huh??

i dont know.. i just say it from the heart..
and i truely mean what i say..


^_^..

hmm..what would my future family be like ehh..?

haha.. i think its up to allah to decide..

insyallah, it will be a bright future ahead for me..and my future family ofcourse.

^_^


awoosh out! =)

i love number 4! (not the one in the movie) ;D

what a lovely saturday it has been.

one word to describe it?

LOVELY

met 'arifah at woodlands library around 1+ after buying movie tickets =D

apparently she was with her study group..so..

quite awkward.. haha..

and they are abit... err.. shy..??

(maybe its just me?)

hahaa..

met bibik adik too.. xD

she ask : wah wah.. pergi mana nii?
me: ouh.. gi blaja jer ngan kawan.. maths..
she : eleehh.. ye ker? bukan dating??
me: O_O..err...erm..tak...asl pulak??
she: hahaha.. i know lah awoosh ;D
me: O_O..*gulp*
she: so where's your girlfriend??
me: *facepalms* err.... hahaha.. there.. *points to 'arifah. (-_-)
she: haha.. ok toodles my awesome nephew!
me: hahaa.. err...BYE!...

hahaa.. then 'arifah made it even more awkward...

hahahaa.. xDD

after that.. followed 'arifah for her lunch..

haha.. so cute lah she this part..

words just cant describe this awesomely CUTE part.. xDD

hahaha..

then we prayed together at the roof area?? (i think)

wow! interesting! first time for everything huh?? haha..

now i know where to pray when im at civic centre. =)

had a lil difficulty finding the kiblat but managed to find it in the end. ^_^

after that??

ON TO MENTORING SESSION WITH DEAR..

HAH! NAHH.... MORE LIKE LAUGHING ANS SMACKING SESSION... =_=

today was the longest time ever 'arifah laughed..

hahahaa..

and she made me got scolded by the guard patrolling the area..

=(((..

not gonna say what she said..

hahaa.. but it was quite funny.. xDD

hahahahaaa!!

then after that.. she made us "late" for the movie..

so she ran....WITHOUT ME.

WOW THANKS ARH DEAR! =(

hahaa.. then made our way up..

SEMPAT BELI POPCORN LAGI! WOOH!

skali baru masuk tempat tuu..then the movie start..

EXCELLENT TIMING SEYH! =DD

i think right.. they were waiting for the real " NUMBER FOUR "
to come..then they start the movie..

hahaa..

loved the part where 'arifah and i jumped at the beginning..

HAHHAAHAHA...PRICELESS!!

the movie was not WOW.. but just nice.. =))

hahaa.. dont really get the plot of the movie..

but it was a nice movie though.. ^_^

wahh..then at the last part of the movie..

'arifah ada hal lain pulak... HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAA!!! xDD

after everything end.. SHE RAN TO THE TOILET..WITHOUT ME...AGAIN...

hahaha...waduuh dear..

you arh... eeee....geram..tapi tetap sayang.. hahahaa...

apa tuu your friends say??


TTM??? hahahahahahaa...

waduuh..


was otw home and got a msg from her saying : it was a nice saturday after a week of setbacks. thank you dear.

and after reading it.. I SMILED ALL THE WAY HOMEE!!! WADUUUUHHH!!!!

MALU SEYH...orang semua tengok ingatkan orang tuu gila...


xDD AHHHHH.....



a very great day spent with a great friend. <3 thank you for the day 'arifah 'aqilah. you will always be my NO.1 number 4 =) awoosh out! i love you! 1444

W

WADUUUUUUUHHHHHHH.... 'arifaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

i love you alot!! hahaa...

wow.. thinking of me in school during maths class??

wahahaha.. i may be wrong..

ahhhh... you are soo cutee!!

thank you!!

whats that at the top?

FEELINGS?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!! xDD

aahhhh...

so...

cutee......




thank you dear!!


i lovee you sooo muchhh!!!


awoosh out!!

a sleepless night, a day to remember.

it started out as a good day at madrasah.

very fun indeed.. i feel that the ALIVE programme is really interesting.
however.. the students are.. too much.. ALIVE..
haha..yeah.. my classmate juan was screaming all the way during recess.. xD
lol.. very fun..very fun..

then after that.. waited at home..

waited for..?

hah..

you see.. i have this voucher that was given to me on my birthday last year..
and..the thing is..i forgot about it and i found it a few days ago..
laying under old books and paper..
so.. i checked the due date.. 13th feb 2011..

TWO MORE DAYS TO SPEND $40 worth of voucher?!
WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO BUY?! I HAVE GOT NOTHING ON MY MIND....
i turned to mum.. she was angry because only left 2 more days and she was not free..
i went to dad..the same reason..
same goes for my lil ones..

I DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO DO..
if i buy something i dont need.. i would just be wasting this right?

so.. i decided to put it to good use..
giving it to 'arifah.

at first she was quite stubborn.. xD (she always is.. <3)
but then i realised that she needed to get herself new pair of shoes for school.
so..why not? i gave the voucher to her..
yet she refused to accept it..
so.. we went looking for shoes at wlnds coz vivo dont have sportslink shop.. =_= (my bad)

and we went looking for shoes.. and wow.. shoes are $100+? xD
40 bucks aint enough..

so.. we set our eyes on a different target..
getting her a new bag.. since she told me that she only owned two bags..(others are from her sisters)
so.. yeah.. found a really cool purple bag which really suited her..

the only thing i could describe it is..WOW..
it was a purple puma bag.. plain but nifty.. =)

so we decided to purchase the bag.. skali check check the price 69 bucks..
waduuhh..
nevermind.. i paid for her first..then after that she could repay me back..


which leads me waiting for 3pm the next day..after 'arifah finished her madrasah..
so that we could get her the bag..
check check TWO OF MY VOUCHERS WERE ONLY VALID FOR A SPECIFIC ITEM...
WADUUUUHHH...cekik darah betul!!
since there was no other ways of payment..
no choice but to use my lovely DBS card.. xD

and bought for my lil sister some shirts with the other two vouchers.. =_=

after that.. bought ice cream and blablabla..

this is where things took a turn for the worst..

recently, i've applied through this DAE at RP..
and whats sad is.. that.. it was unsuccessful..
just like the other excercises..
i was soo sad..
and then..
when i told mom..she scolded me..

after that.. i kept quiet all the way home..

but just when i thought things couldnt get anymore worse..it did.

i saw a post from 'arifah saying : its gone.

that moment i knew that it had something to do with the bag i bought for her earlier today..
then, thats when she msged me to confirm my fears..

turns out that her mum not only took the bag.. she also took away a bear i got 'arifah on my first trip to universal studios..( a very precious gift from me)
i was extremely devastated when i heard that.. and she said that she loved it soo much and she cried..

i felt totally useless.. but i still tried to console her..
however.. through the message.. i felt as though her self esteem plunged way low..
lower than i could ever imagine..
i couldnt believe it..
it was soo heartbreaking for me to see her in that state..

i knew why her mom took away those the things i got her.. she sees me as a nuisance..
an underling worthless of her daughter's affection and time..
im a low-life..incapable of getting what she desires..
a fool, wasting his efforts on her daughter..

i dont blame her.. infact.. mothers are very defensive when it comes to daughters..
however.. her actions are in a way intolerable.. but i still understand.

its just that.. it makes my blood boil when i know that my effort and time is wasted like that..
im not blaming anyone.. or maybe the blame is on me because eversince i confessed that im in love with her..
her life got miserable..
coz everytime i wanna go out with her.. her mom disapproves.. when i get her a present..her mom didnt like it..

im sorry.. =( i really truely am..

and at times.. i feel that.. if it really makes her life better..i would stay out of her life..
so that her life with her family prospers.. and not get worse because of me..

right now, my self esteem is at it lowest thinking about where i am gonna end up..
and what my future is..

my heart slowly crumbles under the pressure..
tears slowly flood my eyes and drench my cheeks..
i write this entry with my whole heart..

i did it for 'arifah.

if her mom thinks im just a low-life incapable of being with her daughter..
i'll prove her wrong..
i'll prove her very wrong..

I WILL GET MY DEGREE...IF IT KILLS ME......
I WIILLL GET MY DEGREE...I DONT CARE...
INSYALLAH..I WILL GET MY DEGREE..

ya ALLAH, tolonglah.. berikanku semangat untuk melalui masa yang gelap ini..terangkanlah hatiku dan tunjukkanlah jalan yang ku sepatutnya ambil..

'arifah says that her mom took everything away from her which i gave her..
no..
she didnt take everything..


she didnt take away the love.

i believe her mother's intention of doing so is good..
however.. it was taking it to the extreme..

now.. the items that she loves most..the items that i poured my heart and soul in.. is in her mother's grasp..

i have no idea what she is going to do with it..
but pray that its not what i think is it..

i pray to ALLAH that those items are out of harm's way and will return back to 'arifah someday..
insyallah..

amin.


with all the sadness of today..

my strength to face tomorrow grows weaker..
my confidence is slowly draining..

BUT I CANNOT GIVE UP NOW..

i need to stay strong..

i know that actions speak louder than words..
but trust me..
this year...
my actions..
are gonna ROAR...

i love you 'arifah.


everything will be ok.. you will get those items back..
insyallah..

please keep your esteem high dear.. you need to be strong!


awoosh out.

heh, yeah, its been awhile since i was here =)

not saying im back but.. yeah.. something to keep me occupied rather than being bored to death i guess..

hmm.. currently not in the best of shape,state,mind,spirit..
im not really sure why but i believe its due to the fact that im bored..
and that my manager is only accepting me next week
(that is..IF the other part timer is busy.)

bored out of my wits..

sitting at home does not benefit me in any way.. i go for evening jogs frequently..
however, its just only to clear my mind.. =/

i cant believe im saying this but, ouh how i miss going to school..being around friends..getting scolded by teachers..hanging out after school..going for band..
gosh..
now.. i feel like im trapped in my own freedom.
slowly dying in misery.

the only thing that keeps me sane is chatting with 'arifah.
but the sad fact is.. she's not around during the day coz she's schooling..
and im left alone to entertain myself till she onlines..
however, when she onlines.. im afraid to chat to her coz..
i feel like i may be disturbing her..
=/
and.. since im very irritating..
im afraid that i might ruin her night
which only affects her performance the next day..

ouh why..ouh why..
=(

anyways, yeah.. i love her very much.
even though i dont get to chat with her daily like i used to..
or even meet her and see her beautiful face like every single day..
my heart still beats strong for her.
my love only gets stronger with each passing day.

i hope she sees that..


^_^

awoosh out..